Saturday, February 11, 2012

Exposed as a FRAUD!

Now, you know that feeling - Oh Bliss, oh Joy! - when you hand in your boarding pass and they scan it and then, instead of going "Ding" and you walk through to the misery of a middle seat in the economy section, it goes "Boing" and a red light shows? The uniformed cabin attendant pauses, looks at a screen and then - (Choirs of angels sing overhead) she writes a new seat on your boarding card in the Business Class section? Do you know that feeling? If you have never had it, it is hard to explain. The world instantly seems alright. Clouds part. Music plays. Your step is light.

But the real Business Class people are all a bit suspicious. They can spot you a mile off. At the sound of the "Boing", their eyes find you. They stare disdainfully at you. You are an imposter in their ranks! You show your boarding pass at the entrance of the aircraft, like everyone else. But the cabin crew see the changed seat number. They try to act suitably deferential, but they have seen the red writing. So they know you are not really a Business Class flyer.

Be that as it may, you are now counted amongst the favoured few. You settle down in your extra wide, extra comfy seat. You try to behave as nonchalantly as you possibly can as expensive bottles of wine are proffered in your general direction. You are asked to taste the contents before pouring a full glass in a real wineglass. Ah! What a wonderful life it is.

Then you hear the menu being offered to the Business Class seats in front of you. Glazed Greek leg of lamb with a vegetable side and a Greek salad? Or perhaps a succulent creamy Chicken dish served on brown rice? You think, maybe the lamb. Maybe you will settle for the lamb. And what a joy it will be to eat off white china, with real knives and forks and a cloth table napkin.

She gets to you - and suddenly, there you are, staring at a red plastic tray, with a plastic knife and fork set! There must be some mistake! Why has this happened? And then you remember. You had pre-ordered a "special" low fat meal, with your economy class ticket. And there it is! It had found you, even in the Business Class! The businessman in the next seat in the grey suit glances over at your red plastic tray with a sneer of disapproval. You are unmasked as the fraud and and imposter that you are. And how sad you feel about missing the lamb!

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